Morgan Spurlock's HS Graduation Speech 2005

Making Friends and Influencing People

Today was an incredible day ... a dream come true actually.

16 years ago I graduated from Woodrow Wilson High School in my hometown of Beckley, WV, and today I gave the commencement speech for the the class of 2005. It was such an honor and one of those things I'd always imagined and hoped for and now it's happened.

It was made even more special by the fact that my niece, Caitlin (the daughter of my oldest brother Craig) was in this graduating class. She is such an awesome kid - you'll see her in the premiere episode of 30 Days on June 15th (on FX). Super smart, amazingly selfless and kind and sweet ... the kind of daughter that we all hope for. I was very proud to be there and I think my speech went over well.

Alex and I are off to London tomorrow to promote our books, so I'll touch base when I get back.

But for those of you who want to see what nuggets of wisdom I dropped on the youth of tomorrow at the graduation today. Here's the full speech.

COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS for WWHS CLASS of 2005

To begin, I would like to thank Principal Maynard, Woodrow Wilson High School, the community and your families for letting me join in your celebration.

I am also very excited to see that no matter how much you torment them, teachers like Mr. Interdonato, Mrs. Gauldin and Mr. Ketz just won’t seem to leave. We can only hope your younger brothers and sisters are more persuasive than you were.

16 years ago, I sat where you do now, a proud graduate filled with so much excitement, listening to some blowhard commencement speaker talk about life, the future and what he thought I needed hear. Well, I am honored to be that blowhard for you today.

I realize I may not be the most prestigious West Virginian to speak today, but I’m sure I am the only one who was seen vomiting in a major motion picture. I can only assume that Randy Moss and Don Knotts were unavailable.

Looking out at your young, eager faces, I’m reminded of two things – ONE, that you have the whole world within your grasp, and TWO that I am getting very, very old. It’s been many years since I sat with my own classmates, nervously shifting in our seats, awaiting our diplomas. And judging from the looks of discomfort on your faces, those very same chairs are still being used today.

I would first like to congratulate each and every one of you, all of the graduates, and all 45 of the valedictorians. Well done.

There are many things which you have learned in school that will come in very handy in the years ahead: how to masterfully convince a teacher that some alien being flew down – hypnotized you and took your homework assignment, the unique skill of appearing to be reading while napping over a textbook, cramming a semester worth of information into your head the day before a test.. These are valuable skills which will serve you well. But at the same time, there is lot which you have learned and been told that will not come in very handy in the years ahead …

Since graduating in 1989, I have yet to need the Pythagorean Theory in any part of my life. Big surprise. A squared plus b squared = c squared has not been a necessity for me. Yet, my uncanny ability to appear quite interested while someone else is talking has been an invaluable asset … an irreplacable skill I learned while in Mr. Interdonato’s class. I also learned in his class that Napoleon did not invent neopolitan ice cream.

It may also come as a big shock to you, but I’m going to let the cat out of the bag … no matter what they have told you over the last twelve years of education … there is no permanent record. It’s a sham. Like some sort of Raleigh County FBI, we’ve been conditioned to think that somehow, some way, this record is going to make all your dreams fail.

The fact that you once shot a spitwad at someone or dumped snuff in a locker or intentionally flooded the restroom with a well stuffed roll of toilet paper isn’t going to cause any damage to your long term goals … no, overtime, your hopes and dreams will collapse and implode all on their own… just ask your parents.

Oh, believe me, the memories may fade but the insecurities last a lifetime.

No, today is an important day for many, many reasons and I will tell you why. One: because it is the day that brings your parents dreams of converting your bedroom into a home office that much closer to reality and Two: because it is the beginning of your true identity.

And that is the first thing I challenge you to do once you leave here today: be true to you.

For years you have done what these people have asked of you: these teachers, these administrators, these parents. And you’ve done it well. That’s why you’re here, you have accomplished something that many people do not. And this diploma is not just the end of a long, tedious, monotonous, journey … it’s the key to a new beginning.

The time of fulfilling all of these people’s hopes is over. I will be the first person to tell you that as of today, you’re done having to please all these people. Starting today, you have one goal in this life: and it is not to wave your hands in the air and party like you just don’t care … at least not all the time … no your one goal is to leave this ceremony, go out into the world as graduates, as adults, as men and and women and chase your own hopes … follow your bliss … fulfill your own dreams …

The person that is sitting in this rickety, uncomfortable inquisition designed chair is not the same person that will be here in ten years. You will be more confident, more educated and some of you, like me, will be more bald. Yes, even some of you women. Sure, you laugh now, but just as the phrase “graduate degree program” will roll off some of your tongues … others of you will spout the phrase “more Rogaine, please”.

No, the world isn’t fair, if it was Bo Bice would be the American Idol and I would have an Oscar. But the world the needs losers too … we can’t all be one the 95 valedictorians … no, as much as the world needs people who can talk a lot of it, we need more people who can shovel it.

So, this is my second challenge to all of you: be the best loser you can be. Understand now that its ok to fail. Failure is part of life. No one wins all the time. I fail better than anybody, and all you have to do is remind yourself that no matter how bad you may suck at any given moment … someone else, somewhere, somebody you may not even know … sucks more. Take comfort in that.

And don’t get discouraged. The world is full of people who will constantly try to remind you of your failures, people who will devote a lot of energy to shooting down your dreams. Mean people. Bitter people. Ugly people. I have known these people; in fact, I have dated some of them. I am related to the rest of them. But if you are persistent, if you never waver, if stay the path and believe in your heart that you are doing what you are meant to do – then nothing will deter your success.

And always remember this: you will always be able to change where you’re going, but you can never change where you’re from. Be proud of who you are, this state, the people, friends and family that made you who you are – its because of them that your mind is so twisted and warped, your outlook so deranged … and that’s a good thing.

16 years ago, I couldn’t wait to get out of this town. To go out into the world, to start my life. I’d had it. I was fed up. My parents didn’t understand me at all. I couldn’t talk to them – they couldn’t talk to me – it was terrible. Then, I went away to college for four years. And when I returned, you can’t imagine how much they had matured. It was remarkable.

When you get out in this world, you may encounter prejudice. Unfortunately, some people think of West Virginians as simple mountain folk with hillbilly accents and a taste for squirrel meat. In my case, they are correct. But I also knew that these people didn’t know what was inside of me, and they don’t know what is inside of each and every one of you.

Once you figure out what you want to get from life, you’ve got to work for it harder than you’ve ever worked before.

Sorry, there’s no way around it. For me, it was long hours editing footage of a movie I wasn’t sure anyone wanted to see. It was running a company that had no profits for longer than I’d care to admit. It was sleeping in a hammock in my office when it would have been much easier to admit defeat and return home to my mother’s couch.

There were times when I was told, “You’re just not smart enough. You’re just not good-looking enough. You’re just not what I’m looking for.” There were times I was told all three in the same sentence. By the same person. But, I don’t want to bore you with stories about my girlfriend. Today is all about you.

You all need to know that what you believe matters. What you’re passionate about matters. What you want in life matters. I want each and every one to find that one thing that inspires you, motivates you, talks to you and completes you … and I want you to do that every day of your life. You have the power to change the world with an idea – and the more honest you are with yourself about your aspirations, the more success you will find.

The last thing I want to challenge you to do is to Never Give Up. If what you want to achieve was easy, everybody would do it. I have been surrounded by talented and gifted friends over the years who stopped going after the one thing that meant the most to them: lawyers, actors, writers, painters … people with immense gifts who gave up because it was too hard and they weren’t achieving what they’d hoped soon enough.

Learn this now: (A) Things never work out exactly how you plan and (B) things always take longer than you’d like and (C) you’ll never get what you want by quitting. Had I quit years ago, I wouldn’t be here today. I’d probably be sleeping on mom’s couch, eating Hungry Man dinners and watching Sportscenter. And while that may sound good for a little while – after a few weeks, you’d be going out of your mind too. And for those of you who know my mother, you know what I’m talking about.

Some of you will be entering the work force, some of you will be continuing your education, and some will be serving in the armed forces. Whatever you decide, also know this: it’s OK to be scared. But be excited, too. I was scared out of my mind when I first went away from home … when I was officially on my own. I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t know what I was doing, but don’t worry that you don’t have all the answers. Here’s the big secret – nobody does. Not me, not your parents, not the magic 8 ball, nobody. Let your fears be the catalyst for change in your life, the motivator to go after what you want, not the barrier you build around yourself to stay safe …

And finally, I would like to say that YOU DO HAVE A PERMANENT RECORD. I was lying before. It does exist. But you won’t find it collecting dust in a file cabinet somewhere. It’s not in Mr. Maynard’s super secret hiding place or buried in a vault under the water tower … No, Your permanent record is the one you write, and you add a new page every day. How it all ends … That’s up to you.

Thank you, congratulations, and good luck to you all.