Principles for Good Discussion

Tonight we talked about opinions, perspectives and whether we can know the truth down at Three Trees Coffee shop. I put together these principles for good discussion to help us talk about how we should interact with each other and it led to some interesting discussion. I would love to get some input on them. Did I miss anything? Should I take anything out?

1. Listen explicitly to what others are saying in order to understand them.


2. Interrupt only rarely and when it seems crucial.


3. Don’t hog the discussion.


4. Ask clarifying questions.


5. Ask others what they think.


6. Don’t be afraid to express yourself forcefully. But know the limits of propriety. These can vary from group to group.


7. Admit clearly and quickly when it is obvious that you were wrong.


8. Don’t be afraid to say that you disagree. But be prepared to back up your position well if you do. It is also OK to say that you think you disagree and why.


9. Never tell a person they are wrong. You can question their arguments, data or reasoning, but never dismiss a person.


10. Don’t generalize.


11. Avoid straw men like the plague. A straw man is an inaccurate portrayal of a position that makes it look silly or absurd.


12. Don’t argue against what you think a person stands for based on their identity.


13. Know what your unspoken motivations are.


14. When you have benefited from what someone has said, say so.


15. Make sure you understand the difference between fact, interpretation and unconsidered opinion.


16. Fact: data that is indisputably accurate. But careful - people have different standards. Is what we hear in the news accurate? Anything we read in a book? The Internet? Learned in School? Everyone has their own trusted sources of information. How good are yours?


17. Interpretation: Facts can be interpreted in different ways, often legitimately so. Be willing to admit that a different interpretation of the facts is legitimate when this is the case.


18. Unconsidered Opinion: Need I expand?


19. Pay special attention to facts.


20. Track the issue. Don’t let the subject change randomly if an important or interesting topic is being left unresolved.


21. Let people finish their explanations.


22. Ignore perceived insults as much as possible. If a perceived attack bothers you too much you say so and say how it makes you feel.


23. Try to discern what people’s motivations are and bring them into the discussion as much as possible.


24. Never attack perceived motivations.


25. Explain what you don’t mean when you might easily be misinterpreted.


26. Don’t gloat when someone changes their mind because of your input.


27. Don’t ever patronize. To patronize is to lecture people about things they already know or might already know.


28. Don’t lecture either.


29. Don’t pretend to know things you don’t know. If someone tells you new information don’t nod along as if you already know all this.


30. Be aware of how emotionally invested in the topic other people are.